Lived Expert Panel: When I Pushed You Away, and Why I'm Glad You Stayed – May 2026
Summary
This Lived Expert panel helped Humans and permanency caregivers understand that the hardest moments are often the most important ones to stay through. People tend to pull away when things get hard because of a lack of knowledge of what to do as well as strong feelings about what is going on. Here we explore those feelings and practical tips to cope and manage “when I pushed you away.”
Soundbites & Takeaways We Loved!
Lived Experts often hear people promise they’ll be there forever, only to break that promise. Saying that you’ll be there for a Lived Expert isn’t enough; they’ve had so many people say this and not follow through. Show that you are there for them by continuing to show up.
It can be hard for Lived Experts to feel attached when people continue to leave them, and when they’ve experienced an emotionally sterile Child Welfare system. Lived Experts might push people away to reject them before they are rejected.
Making mistakes and things being messy is a part of growing; supporting, encouraging, respecting (and listening to!) what a Lived Expert shares, being present and not placing blame or passing judgement on lived experiences, supports connection.
Spaces where Lived Experts can show up as they are, no matter their achievements or performance, are important!
Externalizing, connecting with those who speak to their sense of self, depersonalizing responses, introspection, distancing, and being selective of who they connect with, are tools Lived Experts might use when exploring connections and sharing.
There are so many different experiences and no one way to build or sustain relationships.
When people stay connected to Lived Experts, it tells them, 'you are worth it’. And they are!
Lived Experts are deserving of kindness, compassion, support, permanency, and someone to be there in tough moments!
Actionable Ideas & Activities
Stay connected with an attitude of wanting to be around for a Lived Expert, even if you feel uncomfortable at times. Building relationships takes time!
Do an activity (or go for a walk) where the emotional part is taken out.
Ask the Lived Expert if they want you to hold space, or work on solutions, and listen to what they say.
Respect when a Lived Expert says “no.”
Get creative with how you communicate! Writing notes or texting can feel safer than talking face-to-face.
Practice holding space for Lived Experts without trying to fix anything
As a support or permanency person in the life of a Lived Expert, build your own skills so you can continue to show up for Lived Experts. Ask for the perspectives of Lived Experts and listen.
