Harm Reduction as an Approach in Supportive Relationships - March 2026
Summary
Harm Reduction is known as an evidence-based, public health approach to working with people with addictions. Concepts from Harm Reduction have a broader application in figuring out how to show up in supportive ways in relationships, especially when significant and early trauma are present, as it is for Living Experts of child welfare. Drawing on personal experiences of addiction and being a Kinship caregiver as well as a passion for understanding how the brain works, Living Expert Wendy Hayes provided an overview of what Harm Reduction is and how to use it in our approach to relationships and with ourselves.
Soundbites & Takeaways We Loved!
When we focus on "what's best" as a single ideal option, we can sometimes miss the many available options, all of which may come with a balance of beneficial and harmful impacts.
Learning to anticipate harm can help us find ways to address how to mitigate and reduce harm.
The decriminalization of drugs in Portugal has lead to*:
Drug-related deaths have remained below the EU average since 2001
The proportion of prisoners sentenced for drugs has fallen from 40% to 15%
Rates of drug use have remained consistently below the EU average
Trauma impacts cognitive functioning by creating an overactive threat response (see Flipping Your Lid by Dan Seigal) as well as how mood-regulating hormones incentivize and motivate certain behaviors.
Regular, habitual substance use can change the reward circuits of the brain; this is known as salience attribution.
All coping is adaptive - coping strategies developed to survive difficult circumstances may not serve us in the same ways later in life, but they played a very important role in getting us to where we are today.
When we can externalize by saying "my brain is" instead of "I am", personal responsibility can become about understanding how our brain works and working WITH IT, not against it, and reduce shame as a motivator.
Rituals and practices can help the brain process emotional experiences and help us get at the "backlog" of unprocessed trauma.
Focus on what we want to add or move towards rather than what we are trying to cut out or avoid.
Progress over perfection, as humans, we are good at small, achievable changes, and we are not so good at being perfect.
When we release the expectations of perfection for ourselves as Humans, caregivers and/or Service Providers, we can reduce shame for ourselves and model this approach to thinking to our Living Experts.
Shame is not motivating; shame triggers a freeze response in the brain and creates barriers to care for self and care for others.
The word "should" gives us an opportunity to reflect on a sense of obligation, unrealized expectations, and shame when we feel like we "should" be able to do something.
Self-regulation is learned through co-regulation, many Living Experts and those with trauma will need to "catch up" on this learning through the presence of a regulated other because of missed opportunities in childhood.
Support savouring good experiences to combat stewing on negative experiences, not as a redirect "from the negative to the positive" but as an ongoing practice.
It’s important to acknowledge effort, improvements and strengths, not just outcomes.
Being able to practice alternative regulating and coping skills with someone we are in relationship with can support the brain in learning to choose new options.
Actionable Ideas & Activities
Honouring the survival response, what may now be considered "maladaptive" was once a very smart coping strategy. Taking time to acknowledge why and how it helped us when it did can reduce shame and help us make space for alternative strategies.
Understanding the benefits of coping strategies we may no longer want to use may help us find alternative methods to meet the needs it was addressing. Ex. Using an elastic band to replicate the pain of self-harm without creating wounds.
Integrate rituals and practices of release without shame. Ex. writing down a difficult memory, emotion, or relationship and then burning the paper, safety first!
Check out Wendy's Blog: What’s in Your Toolbox? Coping and Healing Strategies
*https://transformdrugs.org/blog/drug-decriminalisation-in-portugal-setting-the-record-straight
