Letter from a Lived Expert
This is an excerpt from our 2023 - 2024 Annual Report.
by Wendy Hayes, Lived Expert & Communications Professional
Since its inception in 2018, I’ve had the opportunity to be involved with Never Too Late (NTL)’s work in different capacities over the years. I was part of early conversations asking if this was a “good idea”, participated in podcast development and recordings, and became a co-facilitator for Training for Humans. Most recently I joined the team as a Communications Coordinator in 2024 and had the opportunity to lead on the development of this Annual Report.
Being a professional in this field with living experience has brought many unique opportunities and challenges. Working in this sector has given me a lexicon and depth of understanding of my own experiences in a way that has been incredibly important on my journey. Yet, experiences like co-facilitating Training for Humans in my 30s often triggered grief and loss and left me wondering – is it too late for me? Will I ever experience the kind of permanency relationship that we espouse to be so important in our work?
Just like Humans, Never Too Late (NTL) is imperfect. As we pursue different models of doing permanency, what I’ve learned most is that human connection is challenging, unpredictable and at times messy work. As an organization, we have as many lessons learned as we have wins. A question we get asked often is “How do you connect potential Humans with Lived Experts?” Over the years, Never Too Late (NTL) has connected several potential Humans to Lived Experts in different ways, but at the core of those methods has been one truth. The process is guided by the Lived Expert.
Personally, when asked what would be important for me in building a connection with a Human, I knew I needed to feel chosen. I needed whoever it would be to take the first risk and say, “I want be Wendy’s Human”. This tenant guided Never Too Late (NTL)’s work with me as a Lived Expert seeking connection and a permanency relationship.
Two life changing events happened for me in 2022. Early in the year, my sibling’s family disrupted, and I became a kin caregiver. As a result of these events I needed to leave the uncertainty of being an entrepreneur building a business and return to full time employment. I contemplated giving up my education. I relied heavily on Never Too Late (NTL) for support from peers to get me through those difficult times. During this difficult period, not once did anyone suggest I pull back on what I knew I needed as a way to potentially expedite a connection, as a “solution” to the challenges arising in my life. Young people’s needs are often silenced in the pursuit of a system trying to do what’s best for us, we are asked to make trade-offs because what is being offered is considered better than the alternative or better than nothing at all.
But Never Too Late (NTL) did not compromise on its principle of centering Lived Experts in everything we do – including the process of connection. This tenacity and patience paid off in my case. Later in the year of 2022, I received a letter from a potential Human that had said exactly what I needed to hear, “Wendy, I want to be your Human”. Convinced no one would ever want a kid in their 30s, I was SHOCKED to say the least and scared at taking this huge risk. I wondered if I deserved this or if someone needed it more than I did. My Human has been an integral part of my healing and thriving since then even while this relationship ebbs and strains in different ways.
Making a connection is only the beginning, and success can only be defined by the connection enduring. That means that my story is not a success story, we won’t know until the end. My story is simply a reflection of how important it is to center the people most impacted and how profound an experience that can be for a Lived Expert who has been so disempowered by the systems we live in.
The work being done at Never Too Late (NTL) builds on years of advocacy by Lived Experts and their allies and is only possible because our community is willing to take risks when they engage with us. My story is a reminder to me that as long as we never stop learning and we continue to centre the experiences, education and stories of Lived Experts, we can continue to do impactful and life altering work. We can continue to redefine success. We can do hard things and be brave, together. That while there are no guarantees – it truly is never too late.
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